In our rush to get everything done we often ignore our own needs.  We tell ourselves that we don’t have time or that we’ll get to it later but rarely do we go back to address the need we barreled over in the moment.

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Many of us have disregarded our needs for so long that we aren’t even sure what they are anymore. Our needs speak to us through our emotions and our emotions are felt in our bodies. But we’ve forgotten how listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us. 

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Have you ever found yourself absentmindedly snacking with no idea how you got there? Were you actually hungry or just frustrated, bored or tired? What was it that you really needed in that moment? A break? Movement? Connection?

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When we aren’t in the practice of identifying our own needs, it’s easy to slip into counter-productive behaviors.  We buffer with food, alcohol or social media- anything to help us escape having to feel an uncomfortable emotion. 

 

When needs are chronically unmet, it can lead to exhaustion, overwhelm, frustration and resentment. If that isn’t reason enough to start tuning into your needs, Dr. Seth Gillihan writes in Psychology Today that people who are good at identifying their needs are not only more likely to have their needs met but also “enjoy better relationships, a greater sense of being good at what they do, and more freedom in their actions.”   

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The good news is that with a bit of practice, you can start reconnecting with your needs in 3 easy steps.

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Step 1: Get grounded

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Take a moment to sit, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. Pay attention to the rise and fall of your belly as you breathe. Tune into your body.  What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you feel?

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Step 2: Identify how are you feeling

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Emotions are the expression of met or unmet needs. To uncover what your needs are, it helps to first identify what you are feeling.  You may have heard the phrase ‘name it to tame it’. Sometimes emotions just want to be acknowledged and the act of simply tuning in and listening to yourself IS meeting the need.

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When working to identify an emotion, try to pinpoint the one word that best describes how you are feeling.  For example, instead of mad, are you distressed, frustrated, irritated? Power comes from the specificity. I know this can be tough!  Here is a list of feelings and needs that may be helpful if you’re feeling suck.  

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Step 3: Ask yourself, what do I need right now?

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Once you’ve identified the emotion you are feeling, ask yourself “what do I need right now?” Ask with compassion and curiosity.  Tune into your inner wisdom.  It's likely you know the answer and have just been waiting to be asked.